I want to say a few words about male stroking, since it comes up often.
As a preface I'll say that there was a thriving, successful Male OM practice at OneTaste for a period of a few years while I was there, and we learned a ton about what the pitfalls are and what it takes for that to exist. It took a few years to get it right. I should also say that this obviously isn't OT canon or anyone else's canon, just my personal thoughts.
�First of all, it’s hard for men to really fathom how deeply conditioned women are around sexual service-providing. A woman can be lying in OM position, getting stroked, with nothing asked of her other than to feel and give adjustments, and still reflexively be thinking about whether he's enjoying it and what she's supposed to be doing to make it pleasurable for him.
Men have no clue how difficult it can be for a woman to deliver a clean “no” to a guy who’s been stroking her and then asks to get stroked.
And how hard it would be to then even confront getting stroked by him in the future, let alone requesting it, having declined stroking him.
Many many many many women were only able to bring themselves to spread their legs and get stroked by a guy they don’t want to have sex with because OneTaste was able to give them strong, credible assurances that there would be NOTHING they have to do to pay back. Ever.
This whole idea that both people are doing it for the experience of doing it, not to get something else in return, only became believable to many women once they knew that the idea of her stroking him is NOT ON THE TABLE. It is not an option.
For many women that was an absolute necessary precondition to their saying yes to OM in the first place.
Second, when a woman strokes a man, just being in that setting invokes within both of them a whole slew of deeply ingrained cultural conditioning around sex, much more powerfully than him stroking her does. They quickly fall into roles, learned patterns and dynamics that just weren’t present when he was stroking her.
Third, male stroking is much more overtly sexual than pussy stroking is. Penises tend to be more dramatically responsive — they have erections, they climax hard and ejaculate stuff, etc. (Or NOT. Which can come with its own set of issues.) It’s much harder to have the experience be anything other than an overtly sexual encounter.
Four, many guys who are asking about male stroking are coming from a place of sexual hunger and are looking to fill that with OM. They have no clue how not-fitting-the-bill what they’re asking for actually is. The request can be harmful to their existing practice, for the reasons given above. And more often than not (historically speaking) one of two things happens. An actual OM would be more aggravating for him than anything else, and for her as well. Or it turns into a hand job.
Which brings us to hand jobs. I think hand jobs are FANTASTIC. I think they’re the bomb. I’m a big thumbs up for them. As is my partner. But it’s not an OM.
So if a guy already has a fantastic sex life, is getting everything he wants and is coming form a place of fullness, his request to specifically experience the container of OM has a bit more credibility. If he’s not, OM is a uniquely bad way to attempt to get what’s missing. It’s not a good substitute for doing the necessary work to rectify whatever is keeping him from having a great sex life.
Lots of guys around the world have very fulfilling, gratifying sex lives. And that’s available to you too.
You’re actually much better off asking for a hand job, even in a vulnerable way that lets her feel your hunger, than asking for an OM-equivalent where she strokes you. It’s just not what you think, and denigrates what it is.
Incidentally, OM isn’t a substitute for sex for women either. There are lots of women who are getting stroked regularly but aren’t getting the sex they want, and it’s excruciating.
Five. So this used to happen regularly. A couple would come and get OM trained. And it’s great and they’re happy and they have a thriving practice. And after some time, they come back and she says, I feel really full, I’ve had all the orgasm I could want and more, my husband is an amazing stroker and an amazing man and I’m ready to give back, to really, really pleasure him. Will you teach us male stroking? And I’d say, hmmmm, my recommendation is that you keep doing what you’re doing. Have regular OMs, have whatever sex you want, suck is cock if you want, give him hand jobs, etc. And they’re both shocked. And she says, wait, you don’t understand, I’ve gotten full. And I’m like, yep.
Then lots more time goes by and they come back. And she says, I feel like orgasm is coming out of my pores. And for some reason these days I’m obsessed with cock. I want to fuck it, and suck it, and stroke it, and see it glisten, and feel the texture of his skin in my mouth, and feel it in my hands. And — I’m embarrassed to admit this — it kinda doesn’t matter which cock it is. I find myself at work or at the grocery store, wondering what the baggage guy’s dick looks like.
And at that point I say, maybe you two should learn male OM.
So what I want to say as a guy is, I’m obsessed with pussy. Really, I’m not obsessed with my cock, I’m obsessed with your pussy. And many, perhaps, most, guys I know feel that way too. And many, many women I know are just as obsessed with cock as I am with pussy. And many more — possibly most, because I think being obsessed with each other’s genitals is our natural state — who would be but have never been given the opportunity to truly experience cocklust. And I just have no interest or patience in having someone engaging my genitals who isn’t as obsessed with mine as I am with hers. That’s what it means to stroke for your own pleasure and that’s what I want for both men and women. And that’s what makes OM what it is.
So what I want to say to the men who are thinking they wish male stroking were more available, if she isn’t genuinely in that place of stroking for her own pleasure — not really thinking that much about you or pleasuring you, nor does she have to because cocks aren’t that complicated compared to pussies, and what makes it better than something you do yourself is when she’s stroking you from that place — if she’s not genuinely in that place, then you’re jumping the gun.
And by genuinely, I mean there are a thousand false versions that have been ingrained into women that are not actually stroking for her own pleasure. And her path to getting there often looks vastly different from how it looks for a guy.
And so there’s an experience that’s available to you as a cock-bearing person, that would spoil you to anything that would come of you “convincing” someone to stroke you. It would spoil you to any level of service providing, or anything less than HER desire and wanting to experience stroking you. And the question becomes whether you’re interested in joining the ranks of men who have that kind of experience with women.
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